The Home for the Literarily Bent
Archive for August, 2009
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
2
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction front cover
by Jay Wiseman
Published in 1996 by Greenery Press
I remember back in the 1980s there was a commercial for an instructional break dancing video. The break dancing fad was already on the wane by the time the video marketers decided to shamelessly capitalize on it, but that mattered little as the video’s target audience was clearly middle class parents, rarely the avant-garde of anything. The fashions and set design of the commercial clearly showed the influence of “street” culture. But these weren’t the frightening urban streets of Harlem’s slums; these were the cul-de-sacs of suburbia. What really resonates in my consciousness was the cheery announcer allaying the fears of parents everywhere with the promise that the video offered “the safe way to break.” You know the fun is over, and mediocrity has set in, when something is safe enough to sell to the middle-aged middle class.
Naturally, you may be wondering what that has to do with an introductory book on sadomasochism. On the surface, not much. But after reading SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, I couldn’t help but be reminded of how something seemingly relegated to our cultural fringes could be commodified into something “safe” and not so frightening that everyone can embrace it.
Doing so was not Wiseman’s stated objective. In the introduction, he states that his purpose in writing the book is to give readers as much education about S/M sex as one might expect from an introductory college course. He does a very good job of this, but something is missing. Or more to the point, there’s just too much of something.
After finishing and contemplating the work, I initially wondered if Wiseman didn’t have a safety fetish that borders on the pathological. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. Surely we all want to avoid injuring our lovers even as we do evil, sadistic things to them. Likewise no matter how outré someone’s fantasies are, no reasonable person wants their fantasy fulfillment to end with a maiming. It would surely be irresponsible, at best, to offer instruction on S/M and not take pains to make sure the advice didn’t includes lots of information about safety.
So while it should be hard to fault the book for including too much of an emphasis on safety, I can’t help but think there is a natural tension between that which is safe and that which is fun. That isn’t to say that safe and fun are mutually exclusive; while every person clearly has a threshold where being endangered can only be perceived as a terrifying fear, lots of people experience some amount of fear or awareness of danger as excitement or fun. Were that not the case there would be no lines at roller coasters or horror movies. Likewise, S/M should be fun. If it isn’t, what’s the point in doing it?
While debate about what exactly S/M is and is not will never reach unanimity, without doubt a large part of it involves exploring, both physically and psychologically, the darker places of our consciousness. If S/M is completely safe is it any fun? Is it still even S/M? I think the answer to both questions is clearly no.
That’s what troubles me about this book’s excessive emphasis on safety: I don’t think that its overemphasis was intended for someone interested in learning about S/M. Instead, I get the feeling that Wiseman obsessed about safety to allay the arguments of those who claim S/M is abuse. The trouble is, not only are critics of S/M unlikely to read this book in the first place, they are also unlikely to persuaded that S/M isn’t abuse no matter how safe and consensual it is.
Despite this criticism, this book is still a wonderful resource for someone interested in learning about S/M, and to be fair, much of the safety information (e.g. safe calls) is essential advice that one would be foolish to not observe. Wiseman writes in an affable conversation style that is clear and avoids the fictionalized interludes that drag down many books of this type. While some of the information about using the internet as a resource is out of date, given the way that the internet has changed since the last revision, this was inevitable and forgivable.
If Wiseman revises this book again (this is the second edition) and focuses on the novice S/M audience – instead of the vanilla audience he’ll never convince anyway – he will have written a book that will remain essential reading for S/M novices for generations to come. Even if Wiseman doesn’t revise the book, flaws and all, for those wanting to learn about S/M the book is worthwhile.
Learning the Ropes
0
Learning the Ropes front cover
by Race Bannon
Published in 1992 by Daedalus Publishing
Given that this book was written as an introduction to S/M, the title seems a tad misleading and suggests a heavy emphasis on rope bondage. While there is a fine section devoted to introductory bondage, there is a lot more to Learning the Ropes than just bondage. Bannon writes in a friendly conversational style that is easy to follow. In some ways the book almost seemed too short, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that is not the case. Instead, Bannon deserves heaps of praise for being at once concise and thorough. Everything someone newly interested in learning about S/M needs to know is covered, but Bannon rightfully takes the reader only so far before making the reader responsible for learning about their own desires and how to fulfill them.
While Bannon is clearly deeply concerned with safety, he recognizes that we all bear a certain amount of personal responsibility for it. The result is wonderful. Readers are armed with the tools they will need to be reasonably safe, but not so badgered about safety that they might wonder if the book were written by the same lawyers that power tool owner manuals.
Even though the book manages to be guilty of using fictionalized interludes, they appear once after an explanation of their purpose. Most fantastically, instead of hampering the flow of the book they manage to actually enhance it.
The next time someone new to BDSM asks about books they should read, I’ll make a point to recommend this one. It’s that good.
I’m surprised that it isn’t more widely recognized compared to other books that offer advice to those learning about S/M. I can think of two reasons why this might be the case.
First, Daedalus is a smaller company whose books aren’t as widely distributed as publishing companies like Greenery Press or Mystic Rose. If a book isn’t easily obtainable, it’s less likely to be adopted as a standard text.
The second reason I can think of for the book’s lack of prominence saddens me: Bannon is gay. While I’ll admit that I’m in a poor position to judge the book’s standing within the gay S/M community, I can’t help but think his sexuality pushes him to the fringes in the “pansexual” community.
In theory, a pansexual community values everyone equally without regard to their sexuality. In practice, heterosexual men tend to be held in the highest esteem. Curiously, while the cachet of bisexual women is as high, if not higher, than that of heterosexual women, bisexual men are viewed with large amounts of suspicion by men and women alike. Gay men occupy a space somewhat above their bisexual counterparts, but they’re still not seen as quite as “good” as heterosexuals. The transgendered are often on the outside looking in.
I admit with some of shame that I’m never sure how to relate to the transgendered. I worry a great deal about pronouns – I’m never sure which to use. Asking would no doubt be the easiest way of finding out. The trouble is that by asking you’re forced to confront the fact that someone is different and one wants very much to not make someone feel different – that’s the reason that not getting pronouns right causes so much anxiety in the first place. So there I am avoiding someone because I fear that in talking to them I’ll say something offensive and make them feel awkward. Yet avoiding the transgendered and all but guarantees they will feel like outsiders. It’s a vicious cycle. The worst part is knowing that I’m losing out too. When I pick the people who I consider my friends, I judge them based on whether they are interesting, treat me and others fairly, and support me when I need it. Whether or not that person is a man, woman, or transperson doesn’t really affect that one whit.
But I digress. This is a fine book that would be a good resource to anyone regardless of their sexual or S/M orientation. Sadly, Learning the Ropes appears to be out of print, but if you want to learn about S/M it is well worth the time and effort to track it down.
Sex Facts for Women
02 years ago
by Todd
in Doctor's Orders
Sex Facts for Women front cover
by Richard J. Lambert, MD
Published in 1936 by Franklin Publishing Company
Like Sex Facts for Men, Sex Facts for Women is a condensed version of the Dr. Lambert’s book Sex and Marriage. This booklet is not only a vivid reminder of how society’s view of women’s sexuality has changed, but also serves as a near perfect example of how the traditional view of femininity severely limited women’s opportunities in society.
The first section is devoted to the “Anatomy and Physiology of the Female Generative Organs.” Amid the straightforward description of the female reproductive system, Dr. Lambert drops this bomb which made me pity Mrs. Lambert, “The important organs…are the uterus…and the vagina. Besides these there are others of less importance, as the clitoris and the vulva.” To be fair, he doesn’t completely ignore the clitoris. Later in the chapter he mentions:
“The clitoris has a tiny foreskin similar to that of a male, and like that of the male organ sometimes this foreskin is bound down too tightly and causes irritation. An operation similar to circumcision in the male must be performed to relieve the nervous irritation.”
I can’t help but wonder what exactly constitutes “nervous irritation.” I suspect it’s a condition found in girls who enjoy touching their nether regions and can’t help but wonder how many girls had their genitals mutilated for their “own good.”
The next section of the booklet is devoted to puberty and menstruation. It’s here that Dr. Lambert starts to really go off the deep end. He claims that at the onset of puberty girls should be protected lest they suffer from too much mental strain. He even recommends that a young woman be allowed to cut back on her studies so as to not “overtax her strength trying to keep up with her classes.” Parents are advised to expect their daughters to develop an interest in the “domestic arts” and encouraged to let their daughters pursue this interest even though the mother can do household chores more efficiently.
The other sections continue in similar fashion covering reproduction and pregnancy. Not surprisingly, unlike Sex Facts for Men, there is no mention of masturbation. Presumably that’s because he already addressed the matter with “nervous irritation.”
Aside from the vivid examples of the antiquated standards by which women were judged in decades past, there’s not much to recommend here.
Sex Facts for Men
02 years ago
by Todd
in Doctor's Orders
Sex Facts for Men front cover
by Richard J. Lambert, MD
Published in 1936 by Franklin Publishing Company
A condensed version of the Dr. Lambert’s book Sex and Marriage, Sex Facts for Men begins with by lamenting that most young men get their sex advice from their ill-informed peers because their fathers are failing to do the job. I couldn’t help but think of modern sex education proponents who, while agreeing with opponents of sex education in public schools that sex education should be taught at home, assert that sex education is necessary because parents are failing to provide that education. Unfortunately, that where any notion of progressive thinking about human sexuality ends as the bulk of Sex Facts for Men is squarely in the camp that sex is an act only reserved for a marriage between a man and a woman, and even in those circumstances they should be careful to not indulge too often.
The first section includes an explanation of the male reproductive system that reads very much like the chapter of my own high school health textbook, save for the fact that the exact function of some sex organs was, presumably, unknown when this book was written. Dr. Lambert claims in this section that the left testicle of most men hangs lower than the right. I don’t remember that from health class. A quick examination (life offers few opportunities to touch oneself and call it research, so you can’t fault me for taking full advantage of everyone that arises) reveals that, for me at least, Dr. Lambert seems to be correct. Oddly, I find that reassuring. I’ll have survey some of the women I know (they’ll tell the truth) and see what they report. For the sake of accuracy, I’ll ask that they exclude men who enjoy ball kicking as men who’ve been kicked in the balls repeatedly might tend to skew the results.
The word “continence,” like “licit” and “biotic”, is one of only a few words that one usually sees in a negative form (i.e. illicit, antibiotic), and as I was a bit confused when I began the pamphlet’s next section, “Is Continence Harmful?” Adding to my confusion, incontinence suggests, at least to me, the loss of bladder or bowel control. Though I hadn’t read the section, I felt fairly sure that Dr. Lambert wasn’t the sort of physician who would advocate showers either golden or brown. Still, I held out a faint hope that the doctor might make me reconsider the virtue of good old fashioned family values. Alas despite my domitable optimism, the good doctor merely takes to task those who claim that abstinence is harmful to one’s physical and mental wellbeing.
Dr. Lambert next turns his attention to offering advice to the bridegroom. Having previously sung the praises of remaining chaste before one is married, his admonition that young married couples should avoid becoming consumed with pleasures of the flesh is, by current standards, comical. To help young married couples avoid temptation, Lambert suggests that young married couples avoid sharing a bed lest their rubbing bodies cause them to fall victim to temptation. Doing so will help men avoid becoming obsessed by sex to the detriment of their careers.
In the chapter’s closing paragraph, he does take a moment to advise men of the value of foreplay or as he calls it “wooing.” Dr. Lambert notes that women require “wooing” not only during courtship, but before every sexual encounter. I’m sure most women will agree that in this instance he’s right. .
The final chapter addresses masturbation and promises an objective view free from stereotypes or shame. But since it bears the title “Self Abuse,” you can imagine that the doctor’s view of masturbation is anything but objective. To his credit, Lambert does point out that stereotypes of self abuse leading to blindness or madness are false. Still, he clearly sees masturbation as a moral wrong that cannot be tolerated. His obsession is so deep, that he abhors the natural curiosity toddlers have with their genitals.
Still if you lack common sense and wish to follow Lambert’s advice for redirecting masturbatory urges, you’ll want to make sure and not to administer corporal punishment on a young person caught in the act. This is because not only will corporation be unlikely to dissuade them, it may give them a perversion even worse than masturbation: enjoy pain during the sexual act.
All-in-all, this pamphlet provides much to laugh at given how much our values have changed since it was written. It’s a fascinating read and a good insight to the bad advice that many baby boomers received when it came to sex. I can’t imagine anyone today finding this book an accurate assessment of sexuality unless they were of a militant protestant persuasion. If you have a friend who is uncomfortable discussing sex with their teenagers, I’m sure the doctor’s complete book would make a fine gift but only to remind them of their responsibility to their children and all the horrible advice their children might receive if they neglect that responsibility.
Uses and Pleasures of the Rod
02 years ago
by Todd
in Antique Smut
Uses and Pleasures of the Rod front cover
by Lady Cynthia Lovebirch & Others
Published in 1972 by Venus Library
If the cover and publisher’s note is accurate, this book was published in Victorian England. While searches of the book’s title and author proved fruitless on shedding light on this claim, the plot and language of the book certainly lend it credence.
The book pretends to be the report of a series of lectures given in the homes of various high society ladies as they share with each other the virtues of corporal punishment for not only the correction of wayward ladies but for their erotic amusement. There really isn’t much plot here per se; each of the various “lectures” includes a demonstration of corporal punishment and introduces a new wrinkle in the manners of spanking, whipping, and/or flagellation and includes an episode of lesbianism. While some readers might find the lack of plot development here off-putting, pervert that I am, the lack of plot bothered me not one whit.
When I began reading the book, the dated Victorian prose was a bit difficult to discern, especially because so much of what transpires is described euphemistically. However, as I continued reading not only did I grow more comfortable with the prose, I felt enamored with the beauty of the language used. Reading this book made it almost seems possible that folks I have known who reported they enjoy Shakespeare because of the beauty of his prose weren’t pulling my leg after all. Almost.
In addition to the lovely prose, this book includes lots of obscure words I hope to add to my active vocabulary. For instance, tribade (in this work it is merely a synonym for lesbian, though apparently it is more properly lesbian frottage), Calligype (I presume a noun form of Callipygian: having finely developed buttocks), rotundities (self-explanatory), and so many terms for various sorts of women’s undergarments I lost track. If my elementary school teachers would have used this book as a source for vacabulary lists, the school-aged me would have enjoyed English class instead of dreading it.
There is one point of warning; many of the spanking victims are teenaged servants. However given the age when this was presumably written their inclusion can be forgiven.
If you enjoy lesbianism, Victorian writing, corporal punishment, old time women’s underwear, or flogging, spanking, and the like, Uses and Pleasures of the Rod is for you. If not, why are you here anyway?