The Compleat Spanker Front Cover

The Compleat Spanker Front Cover

by Lady Green
Published in 1996 by Greenery Press

While I am vaguely familiar with The Compleat Angler and know it originated the tradition of using the archaic spelling of “complete” for a book title, the apparent misspelling in The Compleat Spanker’s title still makes me wince a little. I can’t help but think that the book has a giant typo on its cover. People already have a low opinion of folks into BDSM; there’s no need to arm them with the belief that we are semi-literate too. But I digress.

Lady Green, aka Janet W. Hardy, deserves heaps of praise for keeping this guide to spanking short. I imagine she must have been tempted to pad this book to make it longer but the book is perfectly fine at the length it is. If there is something missing, it is a history of spanking. I, for one, would love to know more about spanking’s history and place in our culture. I cannot help but wonder how long has spanking been observed as an erotic practice. I would also love a formal explanation as to why the British seem particularly obsessed with spanking. I suspect the answer to the latter question stems from the practice of corporal punishment in the British elementary school system. But that’s only a guess. At any rate, the lack of a history is only a minor quibble and likely would do little to make one a better spanker or spankee.

The Compleat Spanker covers all the basics from negotiation to aftercare that one needs to have a wonderful spanking scene. It even addresses what can go wrong in spanking scenes from their possible causes to how to handle them when they arise – essential information because eventually, no matter how well you know your partner, something will go wrong.

Refreshingly, Lady Green’s writing is long on facts and short on opinions and avoids the use of fictionalized scenes that so often drag down otherwise great BDSM instructional books. Also handy is that instead of including definitions in footnotes or a glossary, definitions appear next to the terms in the book’s margins which neither detracts from the text nor for forces the reader to hunt for the meaning of an essential term. Beware that there are also occasional references to illustrations. Unfortunately, some of these references refer to pages without the promised illustration.

This book is an essential reference for spank-o-philes of all stripes and orientations and the only ass you should beat without it is your own.