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The Sacred Art of Fisting
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Front cover for The Sacred Art of Fisting
By Larry R. Shockey
Published in 2009 by Handballheaven.com
In the preface of The Sacred Art of Fisting, Shockey discloses that he ruptured his colon in a fisting scene. That incident, and his desire to help others avoid the same fate, inspired Shockey to write a class handout that turned into this booklet.
Coming in at 24 pages including the covers, Shockey’s book concisely covers everything needed for a fisting scene with an emphasis on safety from the anatomy of the colon, supplies you’ll need for fisting play, safer fisting sex, cleaning out the colon, aftercare, and cleaning up the scene. My favorite part is Shockey’s warning to put down plastic over the playspace after playing to avoid slips and falls from wayward lubricants on the floor. While this book is devoted to the subject of anal fisting, most of the material in it applies to vaginal fisting as well.
Shockey also spends several paragraphs discussing HIV, Hepatitis A, B, and C, MRSA, and syphilis and how to avoid spreading them during fisting play. MRSA is an under-discussed pathogen in the context of STDs, and Shockey deserves kudos for including it here.
The Sacred Art of Fisting is a well-written reference that covers it subject in enough depth to inform, but not so much as to bore the reader with minutae or asides. If you find a copy of the printed book, it is well worth picking up. If you cannot find a copy of the printed booklet, it is available as a PDF at http://www.hellholesf.com/SAOF_Final_web.pdf.
How To Start A Kinky Relationship
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Front cover for How To Start A Kinky Relationship
by James Amoureux
Published in 2011 by The TantraLogic Group
A few months ago, I attended a discussion at a leather conference about Master/slave (M/s) relationships. Someone in the class pointed out that despite much talk about the virtues of M/s relationships, such relationships often do not seem as enduring as vanilla (non-kinky) relationships.
I began to think about this at some length. Anecdotally, it does certainly seem true that the vast majority end after a few years (somewhat ironically, I write that sentence the evening before I attend the wedding of an M/s couple who I am certain will truly be together for the rest of their lives.) It is unusual to hear of an M/s relationship that has lasted 10 or more years.
I think that both vanilla and kinky relationships fail for many of the same reasons. In addition to the standard problems all relationships face, many M/s relationships fail because because people enter them committed to their fantasy instead of being committed to the person they are in the relationship with.
Fantasies are devoid of the detritus of everyday life, such as illness, stress, bad days, in-laws, children, and so on. Just like vanilla couples, M/s couples spend the majority of their time engrossed in everyday life. When someone is committed to their fantasy life, and not their partner(s), these stresses are more likely to undermine someone’s commitment to their relationship. Unfortunately, inside the M/s community there is much discussion of how M/s relationships are better or more authentic than vanilla ones, and discussions of frailties of M/s relationships seem taboo.
I had put that thought out of my consciousness when, out of the blue, James Amoureux sent me an email asking if I would be interested in reviewing this book, and soon enough I found a copy of this in my mail box courtesy of the author. I mention this in the interest of full disclosure.
Whenever I read or review a book, I always strive to free myself from any preconceived notions about the book or its author, because I generally believe that a book should supply its own context for both. Nonetheless having never heard of the author or this book, I did a cursory internet search to learn about both.
What I learned made me leery of the book before I began to read. First there is the name of the publishing company, TantraLogic Group. Though I recognize that some people claim that religion (or spirituality) and BDSM are intertwined (if not the same thing), I am always skeptical about anyone who wants to combine the two. I am even more skeptical when that spirituality is of an Asian or Wiccan persuasion. The second thing that that concerned me is that the author describes himself as a relationship coach, an occupation which reminds me of the sleazy hucksters who dispense advice on how to meet women in free adult newspapers. Despite these trepidations, I tried to read this book with an open mind.
Amoureux begins How To Start A Kinky Relationship by exploring what attracts people to kinky sex before delving into what kinky sex is, an introduction to BDSM, how to meet kinky people, what to look for in a partner, how to introduce kink into a vanilla relationship, and how to sustain a kinky relationship.
Amoureux clearly and succinctly describes many of the problems relationships of all types face, and he offers clear and prescient advice on how to avoid the problems of both vanilla and kinky relationships. I wish that the M/s community would invest more time in discussing the type of advice Amoureux dispenses and less time proclaiming the superiority of M/s relationships.
This is a truly outstanding book from cover to cover. In many ways it reminds me of a well-written textbook. Not only is Amoureux’s writing is clear and concise without being self-indulgent or boring, the book’s layout is pleasing and easy to follow. It also contains excellent references. I especially enjoyed Amoureux’s emphasis on communication in relationships, and his use of personal experiences to elaborate his points.
I was particularly interested in the book’s discussion of how individual sexual interests can be viewed as part of a normal distribution. According to Amoureux, given the sexual variance of the whole population, one should expect outliers of the kinky or asexual variety. Whether this is true is open to debate, but it is an interesting theory. Unfortunately in my estimation rather than emphasizing that one should expect kinky outliers, it emphasizes that we are outliers and makes us easier to marginalize.
My only complaint about this book is that Amoureux does not emphasize the notion of confidentiality in the BDSM community. While it is great that Amoureux is able to be open about his interest in BDSM in all facets of his life, not everyone has the luxury or desire to do so. To Amoureux’s credit, he does acknowledge that one’s interest in BDSM is a private matter, but he suggests indirectly that being out is superior to not being out.
That one complaint is very minor and does not detract from the book. As someone who has read nearly every introductory BDSM book, How To Start A Kinky Relationship is by far my favorite and I will recommend it again and again.
Navigating Rough Waters: A Beginner’s Guide to the Bd/Sm Scene
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Front cover for Navigating Rough Waters: A Beginner’s Guide to the Bd/Sm Scene
by Master Dragon
Published in 2010 by Seek Books
While there are many introductory BDSM books, there are scant few good introductory BDSM books. When I first began reading Navigating Rough Waters: A Beginner’s Guide to the Bd/Sm Scene, I had high hopes this might prove to be another book to add to the short list of books worth recommending to the novice.
This book has several things going for it. First, it was essentially self-published. Not only am I a fan of self-publishing, I hoped that a self-published effort would be free of the pervasive (and in my opinion ruinous) BDSM conceit where fictional scenes are interspersed throughout instructional text. Also, I was unfamiliar with the author, publisher, and even the book prior to purchasing this. Lacking any expectations about an author, publisher, or book frees a book from having to live up to (or live down) preconceived notions and allows the work to speak for itself.
As I began reading I appreciated that the book does not attempt to teach the novice about play styles and techniques. Instead, the author aims to give the BDSM novice advice on what to expect and be wary of in the BDSM community. Given the abundance of resources available to someone wanting to learn about play styles, this is a refreshing approach for an introductory BDSM book.
The best thing about the book is the author’s easygoing conversational writing style. Unfortunately this also turns out to be the book’s Achilles heel for a couple of different reasons.
In conversations, there is a back and forth and feedback from the listener (reader). When the listener doesn’t understand something, he has the opportunity to ask for clarification or further explanation. Unfortunately, an author does not have the benefit of this feedback. Too often the book wanders aimlessly from one topic to another without really explaining any topic clearly. As an author Master Dragon often seems to assume that a reader will follow along with his explanations of terms and experiences when they are ambiguous. This assumption frustrates understanding. I think it would be particularly frustrating for the novice reader for whom the book is supposedly written.
The other major problem with the author’s style is that he seems far too interested in puns and asides. Anyone familiar with my writing might find it ironic that I would be critical of someone for excessive use of asides (I really am fighting the urge to add an aside here. Oops, too late.) Unfortunately, Master Dragon often becomes so overly focused on the cleverness of his asides that he seems to forget his original point.
Another annoyance with the book is that its style is inconsistent. While the author states in the book’s beginning that using a capital letter to begin a word is intended to add emphasis, he often adds emphasis with bolding, italics, quotation marks, and even capitalization of entire words.
Also puzzling are some of the words he chooses to use to describe common BDSM ideas. For example, instead of calling people who like to both bottom and top, “switches,” the author refers to them as “switchers.” He also generally refers to BDSM as “Bd/Sm.” To his credit, he does explain what he means by the term “Bd/Sm,” but he never explains why he uses this term instead of BDSM. Maddeningly, he switches to the more standard usage of BDSM in the chapter “History” (and switches back to “Bd/Sm” afterwards).
In addition to the switching of terms mid-book, the “History” chapter seems to derail the book completely. The history is jumbled, and seriously detracts from the book’s flow. Master Dragon acknowledges his limited knowledge of BDSM history at the end of this chapter and even asks those with more knowledge to contact him should he produce a second edition of this book. The book would be better off if the chapter were omitted entirely as it adds nothing to the book but confusion and is never referenced outside itself (save for a mention of its existence in the book’s introduction).
Another perplexing chapter in this book is the “Stories” chapter. Its purpose is hinted at in the preceding pages and the chapter’s beginning, but is not ever fully explained. Presumably, the stories are included to illustrate some of the author’s points with real world examples. As nearly as I can surmise, these stories (save for the one written as an observation from the author) appear to be responses to questions he has asked the storytellers. Unfortunately, he fails to share with us the question he asked each of these respondents, so the stories flail about with no context or apparent purpose.
As much as I really wanted to like this book and recommend it, I can’t. This is a book in desperate need of a diligent editor. While the author comes across like a nice guy who probably does have some useful advice for someone just beginning their exploration of BDSM, he is unable to get these points across on the page as the book meanders from topic to topic and fails to meaningfully convey much of any value.
Protocols: A Variety of Views
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Front cover for Protocols: A Variety of Views
Edited by L.C. Morgynn
Published in 2008 by The Nazca Plains Corporation
I really wanted to like this book for a couple of reasons. First, there are few good books about Master/slave dynamics and I hoped this work would turn out to be the exception. Secondly, I know at least one of the contributors personally and have met several of the others, so being able to write a thoroughly glowing review might save me from moments of social awkwardness. That said, as a reviewer, I am committed to the truth. From my standpoint, heaping praise upon a book that isn’t very good will inevitably be far more awkward than acknowledging the truth.
For those of you not familiar with Master/slave (M/s) relationships, allow me to explain my understanding of protocols. In general, protocols are guidelines that define how slaves in the relationship are expected to behave. They can take many forms and vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. For example, in some relationships, the master expects the slave to walk a few steps behind the master in public. For other masters, the expectation is that the slave will walk next to or even in front of the master.
Protocols benefit both masters and slaves. For masters, protocols allow them an opportunity to guide their slave and communicate which behaviors they expect their slaves to follow. For slaves, protocols serve as a constant reminder of the relationship, absolves them from having to guess about what to do to please their master, and allows them to focus their energies and attention to the master’s needs and desires.
As I mentioned, how masters implement protocols in their relationships varies from person to person. For some masters the slave is always expected to follow the protocol regardless of the situation, while others may only expect one set of protocols in the privacy of their home and another in the company of non-kinky friends and relatives. For example, the slave may be expected to always ask permission to go to the bathroom at home, but asking for said permission while in the company of master’s 90 year-old Baptist grandmother might make master less than thrilled. Similarly, protocols can change over time as the needs and abilities of all parties to the relationship change.
Just as there are differences in which protocols slaves are expected to follow, there are differences in how these things are communicated. Some masters communicate all of their protocol expectations verbally. Others have created handbook that explicitly state these expectations in whatever detail the master chooses.
As began reading this book, I expected the book to address different ideas of how to implement protocols, different notions of what protocols others use in their relationships, and so on. The topic of protocols is certainly a rich one and deserving of much discussion. Given that virtually every M/s relationship has its own set of protocols, one would reasonably expect a variety of different opinions on the type and variety of protocols that various masters use. Unfortunately, while the title promises “a variety of views” about protocols there is not any significant debate or points of disagreement between the various authors. Most of the essays follow the same format: the author defines protocols using a dictionary or similar source, relates how that definition applies to Master/slave relationships, and describes how they have instituted protocols in their lives.
As I read, I was reminded that I often lament that BDSM-related books include unnecessary padding. However in this case, I noticed that the essays in this particular book are far too brief and are annoyingly repetitive. Yet strangely, following the essays about protocols are essays about other topics and book reviews. While these essays are enjoyable to read, they don’t really directly relate to the book’s topic and give all of the appearance of padding. What we are left with is a mess.
This would have been a much better book if a single author (or perhaps the editor) had defined what protocols are and left the other writers to use that as a framework to either build upon or react against. Alternately, the editor could have asked the writers to write about a single aspect of protocols. Either approach would have resulted in a much more cohesive and informative work, because what we are left with feels like a wasted opportunity.
While this book was generally a disappointment, it did serve to make me think about protocols in my own relationship, and I still plan to read other books in this seemingly ubiquitous series with the hope that they are better than this one.
The Toybag Guide to Medical Play
01 year ago
Front cover for The Toybag Guide to Medical Play
By Tempest
Published in 2006 by Greenery Press
The easiest way for me to decide how much I like a book is my reaction to its length. A book that seems far too long, you can bet it is not a title that I enjoy. On the other hand, wishing a book were longer is a sure sign that it is good. In the case of The Toybag Guide to Medical Play, I wish the book were much, much longer.
This particular guide begins with a discussion on what medical play is. The book’s general premise is that medical play is a form of role play. I know lots of folks love role play, but I have never understood its appeal, and ordinarily a book with such a heavy role play focus would be a turn off for me. However, embedded in the text are wonderful tips for creating and using various medical toys. It also contains a nice introduction to such play options as enemas, speculums, vet wrap, and medical gags. Though it explicitly does not offer any instruction on catheterization, inflation, and sounding, it does inform the reader of their existence. It also includes an impressive list of references and resources.