BDSM
Modern Dungeon Quarterly Number 1
0Edited by Perverted Imp
Published in 2012 by Perverted Imp Productions
Featuring a title that sounds like it began as a joke dreamed up late at night by friends chatting, the first issue of Modern Dungeon Quarterly is available as both a printed and electronic magazine. Because I received the electronic copy immediately when I ordered the print copy, I began reading the e-book version instead of the hard copy.
The content in the first issue of Modern Dungeon Quarterly was all written by the editor, Perverted Imp. This is not surprising as the first issue of most zines is typically the creation of one person.
This issue contains brief articles on dungeon safety, soundproofing, lighting, slippery floors, and floggers as well as the featured dungeon of the issue. To Modern Dungeon Quarterly’s credit, the writing in this issue is clear and easy to follow. Unfortunately, none of the articles are particularly informative for anyone who has spent any time working on a home or public play space dungeon.
The print version of this issue presents well. The paper is of good quality and the various photographs are much brighter and more detailed than the electronic version appeared. Be aware that if you order the print version it is shipped in a clear plastic bag with the cover and magazine title visible – something to consider if you live in a small town and don’t want the mailman to know that you are kinky.
Even though the first issue of this zine is so-so, I hope that Perverted Imp continues to write and publish this zine. If future issues expand on the themes explored in this issue this zine could become essential reading. The covered topics would be very interesting and informative if covered in greater breadth and depth.
Copies of both the print and online version of Modern Dungeon Quarterly are available from their website at http://moderndungeonquarterly.com/.
Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas
1By Paul Rulof
Published in 2011 by Nazca Plains Corporation
When Paul Rulof first contacted me to read and review his book Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas I had one reservation which was informed by the numerous bad experiences I have had reading BDSM technique books which are ruined by the inclusion of numerous fictional fantasy sequences that obfuscate more than they inform. Given that ageplay is an activity that exists almost exclusively in the realm of fantasy, a book on the topic seemed highly likely to overindulge in such fiction and completely overwhelm any factual information it might contain. Reading Ageplay, I discovered that this fear was wholly ungrounded. More on that later.
Ageplay begins with a brief introduction to what ageplay is. The first chapter also discusses three spectrums that describe different aspects of ageplay. The first spectrum is intensity – does someone play on the weekends or do they define their entire life around their adopted role. The second spectrum is “Symbolic vs. Literary” discusses how people assuming age roles see themselves. Are they merely adopting the role to compare to their adult selves or do they believe that their little role is central to their adult identity. The final spectrum “Sexual vs. Nonsexual” is straightforward – does the ageplay involve sex or not.
The book progresses to discuss the demographics of ageplay which led to my one editing complaint about the book – FetLife, the kinky social networking site, is repeatedly misspelled as “Fetlife.” While this may be nitpicky, it is the sort of error that bothers me as a reader. While acknowledging the limitations of using FetLife to gather useful statistics on the numbers of ageplayers, Rulof makes a reasonable case that there are large number of folks interested in the ageplay. Next Rulof discusses the reasons that people engage in ageplay before discussing the negative feelings many have about ageplayers.
Over the course of the book Rulof systematically covers multiple aspects of ageplay including roles, relationships, and activities. He offers practical advice on how to find an ageplay partner and on how ageplay can be introduced into existing relationships. I especially enjoyed the chapter about coming out. Rulof presents many people’s perspectives about coming out to one’s friends and family and skillfully discusses the pros and cons of coming out while advocating that each person make the decision that is right for them.
One of the best things about Ageplay is that Rulof gives equal time to covering both bigs and littles. For those unfamiliar with the terms “bigs” and “littles,” they are ageplay terms that are comparable to the BDSM terms “tops” and “bottoms” respectively. Many books devoted to BDSM related topics are often weighted towards either tops or bottoms. The equal time in Ageplay is refreshing.
My favorite thing about Ageplay relates to the concern I mentioned before: Rulof successfully managed to write a book about a roleplay topic without falling into BDSM cliché of splicing fantasy in the middle of fact-based discussion. While Rulof does discuss the fantasy aspects of ageplay, he does so by discussing how they directly relate to the topic being discussed. Rulof even includes an appendix which briefly lists ageplay scene ideas.
Overall Ageplay is an excellent book for anyone interested in ageplay. It is a comprehensive introduction for those beginning their exploration of this style of play and provides extensive information that also be interesting to long time ageplayers. Highly recommended.
The Sacred Art of Fisting
0By Larry R. Shockey
Published in 2009 by Handballheaven.com
In the preface of The Sacred Art of Fisting, Shockey discloses that he ruptured his colon in a fisting scene. That incident, and his desire to help others avoid the same fate, inspired Shockey to write a class handout that turned into this booklet.
Coming in at 24 pages including the covers, Shockey’s book concisely covers everything needed for a fisting scene with an emphasis on safety from the anatomy of the colon, supplies you’ll need for fisting play, safer fisting sex, cleaning out the colon, aftercare, and cleaning up the scene. My favorite part is Shockey’s warning to put down plastic over the playspace after playing to avoid slips and falls from wayward lubricants on the floor. While this book is devoted to the subject of anal fisting, most of the material in it applies to vaginal fisting as well.
Shockey also spends several paragraphs discussing HIV, Hepatitis A, B, and C, MRSA, and syphilis and how to avoid spreading them during fisting play. MRSA is an under-discussed pathogen in the context of STDs, and Shockey deserves kudos for including it here.
The Sacred Art of Fisting is a well-written reference that covers it subject in enough depth to inform, but not so much as to bore the reader with minutae or asides. If you find a copy of the printed book, it is well worth picking up. If you cannot find a copy of the printed booklet, it is available as a PDF at http://www.hellholesf.com/SAOF_Final_web.pdf.
How To Start A Kinky Relationship
1by James Amoureux
Published in 2011 by The TantraLogic Group
A few months ago, I attended a discussion at a leather conference about Master/slave (M/s) relationships. Someone in the class pointed out that despite much talk about the virtues of M/s relationships, such relationships often do not seem as enduring as vanilla (non-kinky) relationships.
I began to think about this at some length. Anecdotally, it does certainly seem true that the vast majority end after a few years (somewhat ironically, I write that sentence the evening before I attend the wedding of an M/s couple who I am certain will truly be together for the rest of their lives.) It is unusual to hear of an M/s relationship that has lasted 10 or more years.
I think that both vanilla and kinky relationships fail for many of the same reasons. In addition to the standard problems all relationships face, many M/s relationships fail because because people enter them committed to their fantasy instead of being committed to the person they are in the relationship with.
Fantasies are devoid of the detritus of everyday life, such as illness, stress, bad days, in-laws, children, and so on. Just like vanilla couples, M/s couples spend the majority of their time engrossed in everyday life. When someone is committed to their fantasy life, and not their partner(s), these stresses are more likely to undermine someone’s commitment to their relationship. Unfortunately, inside the M/s community there is much discussion of how M/s relationships are better or more authentic than vanilla ones, and discussions of frailties of M/s relationships seem taboo.
I had put that thought out of my consciousness when, out of the blue, James Amoureux sent me an email asking if I would be interested in reviewing this book, and soon enough I found a copy of this in my mail box courtesy of the author. I mention this in the interest of full disclosure.
Whenever I read or review a book, I always strive to free myself from any preconceived notions about the book or its author, because I generally believe that a book should supply its own context for both. Nonetheless having never heard of the author or this book, I did a cursory internet search to learn about both.
What I learned made me leery of the book before I began to read. First there is the name of the publishing company, TantraLogic Group. Though I recognize that some people claim that religion (or spirituality) and BDSM are intertwined (if not the same thing), I am always skeptical about anyone who wants to combine the two. I am even more skeptical when that spirituality is of an Asian or Wiccan persuasion. The second thing that that concerned me is that the author describes himself as a relationship coach, an occupation which reminds me of the sleazy hucksters who dispense advice on how to meet women in free adult newspapers. Despite these trepidations, I tried to read this book with an open mind.
Amoureux begins How To Start A Kinky Relationship by exploring what attracts people to kinky sex before delving into what kinky sex is, an introduction to BDSM, how to meet kinky people, what to look for in a partner, how to introduce kink into a vanilla relationship, and how to sustain a kinky relationship.
Amoureux clearly and succinctly describes many of the problems relationships of all types face, and he offers clear and prescient advice on how to avoid the problems of both vanilla and kinky relationships. I wish that the M/s community would invest more time in discussing the type of advice Amoureux dispenses and less time proclaiming the superiority of M/s relationships.
This is a truly outstanding book from cover to cover. In many ways it reminds me of a well-written textbook. Not only is Amoureux’s writing is clear and concise without being self-indulgent or boring, the book’s layout is pleasing and easy to follow. It also contains excellent references. I especially enjoyed Amoureux’s emphasis on communication in relationships, and his use of personal experiences to elaborate his points.
I was particularly interested in the book’s discussion of how individual sexual interests can be viewed as part of a normal distribution. According to Amoureux, given the sexual variance of the whole population, one should expect outliers of the kinky or asexual variety. Whether this is true is open to debate, but it is an interesting theory. Unfortunately in my estimation rather than emphasizing that one should expect kinky outliers, it emphasizes that we are outliers and makes us easier to marginalize.
My only complaint about this book is that Amoureux does not emphasize the notion of confidentiality in the BDSM community. While it is great that Amoureux is able to be open about his interest in BDSM in all facets of his life, not everyone has the luxury or desire to do so. To Amoureux’s credit, he does acknowledge that one’s interest in BDSM is a private matter, but he suggests indirectly that being out is superior to not being out.
That one complaint is very minor and does not detract from the book. As someone who has read nearly every introductory BDSM book, How To Start A Kinky Relationship is by far my favorite and I will recommend it again and again.
Navigating Rough Waters: A Beginner’s Guide to the Bd/Sm Scene
0by Master Dragon
Published in 2010 by Seek Books
While there are many introductory BDSM books, there are scant few good introductory BDSM books. When I first began reading Navigating Rough Waters: A Beginner’s Guide to the Bd/Sm Scene, I had high hopes this might prove to be another book to add to the short list of books worth recommending to the novice.
This book has several things going for it. First, it was essentially self-published. Not only am I a fan of self-publishing, I hoped that a self-published effort would be free of the pervasive (and in my opinion ruinous) BDSM conceit where fictional scenes are interspersed throughout instructional text. Also, I was unfamiliar with the author, publisher, and even the book prior to purchasing this. Lacking any expectations about an author, publisher, or book frees a book from having to live up to (or live down) preconceived notions and allows the work to speak for itself.
As I began reading I appreciated that the book does not attempt to teach the novice about play styles and techniques. Instead, the author aims to give the BDSM novice advice on what to expect and be wary of in the BDSM community. Given the abundance of resources available to someone wanting to learn about play styles, this is a refreshing approach for an introductory BDSM book.
The best thing about the book is the author’s easygoing conversational writing style. Unfortunately this also turns out to be the book’s Achilles heel for a couple of different reasons.
In conversations, there is a back and forth and feedback from the listener (reader). When the listener doesn’t understand something, he has the opportunity to ask for clarification or further explanation. Unfortunately, an author does not have the benefit of this feedback. Too often the book wanders aimlessly from one topic to another without really explaining any topic clearly. As an author Master Dragon often seems to assume that a reader will follow along with his explanations of terms and experiences when they are ambiguous. This assumption frustrates understanding. I think it would be particularly frustrating for the novice reader for whom the book is supposedly written.
The other major problem with the author’s style is that he seems far too interested in puns and asides. Anyone familiar with my writing might find it ironic that I would be critical of someone for excessive use of asides (I really am fighting the urge to add an aside here. Oops, too late.) Unfortunately, Master Dragon often becomes so overly focused on the cleverness of his asides that he seems to forget his original point.
Another annoyance with the book is that its style is inconsistent. While the author states in the book’s beginning that using a capital letter to begin a word is intended to add emphasis, he often adds emphasis with bolding, italics, quotation marks, and even capitalization of entire words.
Also puzzling are some of the words he chooses to use to describe common BDSM ideas. For example, instead of calling people who like to both bottom and top, “switches,” the author refers to them as “switchers.” He also generally refers to BDSM as “Bd/Sm.” To his credit, he does explain what he means by the term “Bd/Sm,” but he never explains why he uses this term instead of BDSM. Maddeningly, he switches to the more standard usage of BDSM in the chapter “History” (and switches back to “Bd/Sm” afterwards).
In addition to the switching of terms mid-book, the “History” chapter seems to derail the book completely. The history is jumbled, and seriously detracts from the book’s flow. Master Dragon acknowledges his limited knowledge of BDSM history at the end of this chapter and even asks those with more knowledge to contact him should he produce a second edition of this book. The book would be better off if the chapter were omitted entirely as it adds nothing to the book but confusion and is never referenced outside itself (save for a mention of its existence in the book’s introduction).
Another perplexing chapter in this book is the “Stories” chapter. Its purpose is hinted at in the preceding pages and the chapter’s beginning, but is not ever fully explained. Presumably, the stories are included to illustrate some of the author’s points with real world examples. As nearly as I can surmise, these stories (save for the one written as an observation from the author) appear to be responses to questions he has asked the storytellers. Unfortunately, he fails to share with us the question he asked each of these respondents, so the stories flail about with no context or apparent purpose.
As much as I really wanted to like this book and recommend it, I can’t. This is a book in desperate need of a diligent editor. While the author comes across like a nice guy who probably does have some useful advice for someone just beginning their exploration of BDSM, he is unable to get these points across on the page as the book meanders from topic to topic and fails to meaningfully convey much of any value.




