The Home for the Literarily Bent
BDSM
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
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SM 101: A Realistic Introduction front cover
by Jay Wiseman
Published in 1996 by Greenery Press
I remember back in the 1980s there was a commercial for an instructional break dancing video. The break dancing fad was already on the wane by the time the video marketers decided to shamelessly capitalize on it, but that mattered little as the video’s target audience was clearly middle class parents, rarely the avant-garde of anything. The fashions and set design of the commercial clearly showed the influence of “street” culture. But these weren’t the frightening urban streets of Harlem’s slums; these were the cul-de-sacs of suburbia. What really resonates in my consciousness was the cheery announcer allaying the fears of parents everywhere with the promise that the video offered “the safe way to break.” You know the fun is over, and mediocrity has set in, when something is safe enough to sell to the middle-aged middle class.
Naturally, you may be wondering what that has to do with an introductory book on sadomasochism. On the surface, not much. But after reading SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, I couldn’t help but be reminded of how something seemingly relegated to our cultural fringes could be commodified into something “safe” and not so frightening that everyone can embrace it.
Doing so was not Wiseman’s stated objective. In the introduction, he states that his purpose in writing the book is to give readers as much education about S/M sex as one might expect from an introductory college course. He does a very good job of this, but something is missing. Or more to the point, there’s just too much of something.
After finishing and contemplating the work, I initially wondered if Wiseman didn’t have a safety fetish that borders on the pathological. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing in and of itself. Surely we all want to avoid injuring our lovers even as we do evil, sadistic things to them. Likewise no matter how outré someone’s fantasies are, no reasonable person wants their fantasy fulfillment to end with a maiming. It would surely be irresponsible, at best, to offer instruction on S/M and not take pains to make sure the advice didn’t includes lots of information about safety.
So while it should be hard to fault the book for including too much of an emphasis on safety, I can’t help but think there is a natural tension between that which is safe and that which is fun. That isn’t to say that safe and fun are mutually exclusive; while every person clearly has a threshold where being endangered can only be perceived as a terrifying fear, lots of people experience some amount of fear or awareness of danger as excitement or fun. Were that not the case there would be no lines at roller coasters or horror movies. Likewise, S/M should be fun. If it isn’t, what’s the point in doing it?
While debate about what exactly S/M is and is not will never reach unanimity, without doubt a large part of it involves exploring, both physically and psychologically, the darker places of our consciousness. If S/M is completely safe is it any fun? Is it still even S/M? I think the answer to both questions is clearly no.
That’s what troubles me about this book’s excessive emphasis on safety: I don’t think that its overemphasis was intended for someone interested in learning about S/M. Instead, I get the feeling that Wiseman obsessed about safety to allay the arguments of those who claim S/M is abuse. The trouble is, not only are critics of S/M unlikely to read this book in the first place, they are also unlikely to persuaded that S/M isn’t abuse no matter how safe and consensual it is.
Despite this criticism, this book is still a wonderful resource for someone interested in learning about S/M, and to be fair, much of the safety information (e.g. safe calls) is essential advice that one would be foolish to not observe. Wiseman writes in an affable conversation style that is clear and avoids the fictionalized interludes that drag down many books of this type. While some of the information about using the internet as a resource is out of date, given the way that the internet has changed since the last revision, this was inevitable and forgivable.
If Wiseman revises this book again (this is the second edition) and focuses on the novice S/M audience – instead of the vanilla audience he’ll never convince anyway – he will have written a book that will remain essential reading for S/M novices for generations to come. Even if Wiseman doesn’t revise the book, flaws and all, for those wanting to learn about S/M the book is worthwhile.
Learning the Ropes
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Learning the Ropes front cover
by Race Bannon
Published in 1992 by Daedalus Publishing
Given that this book was written as an introduction to S/M, the title seems a tad misleading and suggests a heavy emphasis on rope bondage. While there is a fine section devoted to introductory bondage, there is a lot more to Learning the Ropes than just bondage. Bannon writes in a friendly conversational style that is easy to follow. In some ways the book almost seemed too short, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that is not the case. Instead, Bannon deserves heaps of praise for being at once concise and thorough. Everything someone newly interested in learning about S/M needs to know is covered, but Bannon rightfully takes the reader only so far before making the reader responsible for learning about their own desires and how to fulfill them.
While Bannon is clearly deeply concerned with safety, he recognizes that we all bear a certain amount of personal responsibility for it. The result is wonderful. Readers are armed with the tools they will need to be reasonably safe, but not so badgered about safety that they might wonder if the book were written by the same lawyers that power tool owner manuals.
Even though the book manages to be guilty of using fictionalized interludes, they appear once after an explanation of their purpose. Most fantastically, instead of hampering the flow of the book they manage to actually enhance it.
The next time someone new to BDSM asks about books they should read, I’ll make a point to recommend this one. It’s that good.
I’m surprised that it isn’t more widely recognized compared to other books that offer advice to those learning about S/M. I can think of two reasons why this might be the case.
First, Daedalus is a smaller company whose books aren’t as widely distributed as publishing companies like Greenery Press or Mystic Rose. If a book isn’t easily obtainable, it’s less likely to be adopted as a standard text.
The second reason I can think of for the book’s lack of prominence saddens me: Bannon is gay. While I’ll admit that I’m in a poor position to judge the book’s standing within the gay S/M community, I can’t help but think his sexuality pushes him to the fringes in the “pansexual” community.
In theory, a pansexual community values everyone equally without regard to their sexuality. In practice, heterosexual men tend to be held in the highest esteem. Curiously, while the cachet of bisexual women is as high, if not higher, than that of heterosexual women, bisexual men are viewed with large amounts of suspicion by men and women alike. Gay men occupy a space somewhat above their bisexual counterparts, but they’re still not seen as quite as “good” as heterosexuals. The transgendered are often on the outside looking in.
I admit with some of shame that I’m never sure how to relate to the transgendered. I worry a great deal about pronouns – I’m never sure which to use. Asking would no doubt be the easiest way of finding out. The trouble is that by asking you’re forced to confront the fact that someone is different and one wants very much to not make someone feel different – that’s the reason that not getting pronouns right causes so much anxiety in the first place. So there I am avoiding someone because I fear that in talking to them I’ll say something offensive and make them feel awkward. Yet avoiding the transgendered and all but guarantees they will feel like outsiders. It’s a vicious cycle. The worst part is knowing that I’m losing out too. When I pick the people who I consider my friends, I judge them based on whether they are interesting, treat me and others fairly, and support me when I need it. Whether or not that person is a man, woman, or transperson doesn’t really affect that one whit.
But I digress. This is a fine book that would be a good resource to anyone regardless of their sexual or S/M orientation. Sadly, Learning the Ropes appears to be out of print, but if you want to learn about S/M it is well worth the time and effort to track it down.
The Puppy Papers
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The Puppy Papers front cover
by Puppy Sharon and Steven Toushin
Published in 2004 by Wells Street Publishing
Tempted though I am to go on and on about this book, I am going to do you and me both a favor and keep this review as succinct as possible. What we have here is a book that consists of nothing more than a D/s couple’s emails back and forth from their initial meeting through their growing relationship. If that sounds remotely interesting, I can testify that it isn’t. Even the brief bit of bestiality is ho-hum.
The best thing about this book is that I bought my copy used so I didn’t further enrich the pockets of the either the publisher or the authors of the boring vanity piece. If you are ever tempted to read this, do yourself a favor and find something, anything, else to read.
Sex and Sadism
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Sex and Sadism front cover
by Val Vane
Published in 1967 by Stewart Gordon Publications
I looked forward to reading Sex and Sadism. The blurb on the cover promises “An intimate look into the lives of people actively obsessed with the need to inflect or to receive pain in the spirit of pleasure.” This book is also listed in the Leather Archives and Museum’s Leather History Timeline. With both those things going for it, I envisioned a sweet candy treat for my twisted literary tastes. Unfortunately, I got a sourball.
This book has any number of problems. I’m sure I could list them all but frankly gave up carefully reading this mess after 100 or so pages. Written in a faux scholarly tone, it compares it to moralistic treatises of the early 1900s. For example the book’s opening words, “Contemplating the squalid story of Human Evolution, one is inevitably forced to the conclusion…” The prose in the mess never gets better, just longer.
More annoying than the tone and prose is the author’s habit of relaying stories without providing sources or enough detail to verify the veracity of his assertions. I’d provide lots of examples, but since Val Vane doesn’t think it important why should I?
The book fails to deliver its promised “intimate look” into the lives of sadists and masochists. Instead, we get a roundabout history review of chattel slavery and crime and punishment through the ages. The only real hint of sadomasochism is a series of letters hastily tacked onto the end of the book. Again, the author fails to give us any evidence of the letters’ origins. I recognized several from John Willie’s Bizarre magazine. (I’d research that and give you specific issues, but again Val doesn’t care so why should I?) I suspect the rest of the letters are similarly cribbed from other period publications.
Why these letters are included or why this book was written is unclear. My best guess is that this book was originally written as a “legitimate” history of torture similar to A History of Torture throughout the Ages by George Ryley Scott, but was so poorly written no mainstream publisher would accept it. Unlike Sex and Sadism, George Ryley Scott’s book is a brilliant treatise. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Scott not only understands history and cites sources, he shows he also understands the nature of sexual sadism.
Sex and Sadism proves neither arousing nor informative. Worse still, it commits the worst transgression I can think of: it’s boring.
The New Topping Book
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The New Topping Book front cover
by Dossie Eastman and Janet W. Hardy
Published in 2003 by Greenery Press
Covering everything from negotiation to aftercare The New Topping Book is a thorough guide to the emotional side of topping. While the practical advice is expected, it’s the unexpected things that make this book truly worthwhile.
I was particularly heartened to see the “Top’s Bill of Rights.” Too often, the fact that we tops have needs is overlooked (even by other tops). I suppose that the general belief that if the top is in charge and not getting his needs met it is his own failure. This is at best simplistic. A good scene is like a dance; unless you’re Billy Idol it isn’t much fun to do it by yourself. Naturally not only do tops have rights but also responsibilities and “The Top’s List of Responsibilities” delineates these well.
Having something go wrong in a scene is inevitable. Sometimes that wrong thing turns out to be something nice though that obviously isn’t normally the case. The pages devoted to preparing for this eventuality are of particular interest, and will help give any responsible top the tools he needs to manage a scene.
I can only find one fault with this book: the narrative interludes. Their appearance needlessly jolts the flow of the book. While learning from other people’s experiences is invaluable, the book would have improved if those experiences were relayed in the same voice that the rest of the text is written in. This is but a minor complaint and the book is more than strong enough to overcome it. Highly recommended.