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The New Man and 20th Century Problems
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The New Man and 20th Century Problems front cover
by Newton Riddell
Published in 1909 by Riddell Publishing
Back in high school I had the misfortune of attending an assembly where we were forced to listen to lectures from a “motivational” speaker. How anyone is supposed to be motivated by someone who couldn’t find a better job than speaking to disinterested high school students remains one of life’s persistent memories. I actually suffered through several of these ne’er-do-wells. There are only two that stand out in my mind.
The first was the ex-con covered in some of the worst tattoos I’ve seen. I remember that he tried to spice up his introduction with some bad slapstick comedy and then proceeded to tell us about how we should stay away from crime so we wouldn’t be like him. His message would have been more effective had he owned up to the fact that as a result of his life of crime he had to take a shitty job trying to motivate high school students – that prospect might have frightened me to stay on the straight and narrow.
The other that I recall was the Christian sort. Because I went to a public high school, he had to keep his religious beliefs thinly veiled. He praised the virtues of delayed gratification and he encouraged us to go the chastity route. He was on tour and pushing his book. I actually thumbed through a copy of that tripe and discovered a poorly researched tome that fully embraced the teenage moral panics that were all the rage in the 80s: Satanism, heavy metal music, etc. I recall very distinctly that he misidentified the title of a heavy metal song he claimed was directly responsible for several suicides. Of course expecting a high degree of accuracy from the high school motivational speaker is a fool’s errand.
What does that have to do with Mr. Riddell and The New Man? Not much actually. While I couldn’t find much information on Riddell, he apparently wrote several other books and was known in his time a temperance proponent. His, apparently, self-published book makes frequent mention of his lectures. How successful he was as a speaker, I don’t know. But having read the book and Riddell’s philosophy, I imagine that any teenager forced to listen would have been as unimpressed as I was when I had to suffer through motivational speakers in high school.
Riddell lays out a philosophy for a “new man” who “shall combine in his nature the best elements of the types revealed in history – physical strength plus noble birth, plus commercial enterprise, plus intellectual power, plus Christ.” It’s all a bit much to go into here and isn’t particularly interesting.
Just as I ready to give up on the book, I came across the racy disclaimer that kept me turning pages: “Parts I, II, III and IV deal with the problem of sex and are intended for private reading…” When Riddell says the “problem of sex” he isn’t kidding, he literally thinks that sex is an activity which must be avoided even within the confines of marriage. He goes on at great lengths about how a man is perverting the sex act by thinking of his wife in a lustful way.
Riddell’s aversion to sexuality is so strong that I am left to wonder its source. If his book is taken at face value, Riddell seems likely to be one of those rare men who cuts off his own penis in the pursuit of purity. Alternately it seems possible that his aversion to sex was a reaction to a severely repressed homosexuality. While the latter seems more probable, the former seems much more entertaining. Either way, you have to figure that any woman he married lived a life of frustration.
At any rate, Riddell’s preoccupation with sex as an act to be avoided was exceedingly humorous. I imagine many of his contemporaries found it just as comical. While I wouldn’t go out of my way to track down a copy of the book, reading it was worthwhile if only for its unintended humor.
SCUM Manifesto
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SCUM Manifest front cover
by Valerie Solanas
Published in 1996 by AK Press
Valerie Solanas, mostly remembered for attempting to assisinate Andy Warhol, originally wrote and self-published SCUM Manifesto in 1966 if the epilogue’s publishing history is to be believed (other sources I found cite the date as 1968). Though Solanas’ diatribe against men and society in general never explicitly mentions what the acronym SCUM stands for, it is popularly recalled as an acronym for Society for Cutting Up Men.
This book isn’t much of a sex book, so you might wonder why I listed it here. To Solanas, sex is an activity devoid of value to women. Her claims of asexuality and hope for a future completely devoid of sex are evidence of a sex obsession more pervasive and destructive than sex addiction.
Seemingly produced during fits of mania interspersed with short bits of depressed transitions, it doesn’t take long to realize that SCUM Manifesto is clearly the product of a deranged mind. No wonder I enjoyed it.
Solanas’ use of then-current slang is particularly charming . Solanis often describes women, or at least the ones that share her viewpoint, as “groovy.” On the ohter hand men, in Solanas’ view, are creatures almost wholly incapable of doing anything of any worth. As she wrote, “The male has a negative Midas touch – everything he touches turns to shit.” She also is a strong critic of capitalism and the money system; claiming that so long as they are existent women will never be able to reach their full potential.
If there is anything kinky about this book it is the ending where the final few pages read like they were intended as a primer for Femdoms. She writes of men in the SCUM Men’s Auxiliary:
…SCUM will conduct Turd Sessions, at which every male present will give a speech beginning with the sentence: “I am a turd, a lowly, abject turd,” then proceed to list all the ways in which he is. His reward for so doing will be the opportunity to fraternize after the session for a whole, solid hour with the SCUM who will be present…
Coming in at just the right length for what it is, SCUM Manifesto is a fun and entertaining read.
It Isn’t A Sin
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It Isn’t A Sin front cover
By John Solomon
Published in 2008 by Red Ribbon Press
Given that the only theology I subscribe to is that of the Church of Sleeping In on Sunday’s, I am not sure what compelled me to purchase this slim book which argues watching movies that contain sex and/or nudity isn’t sinful for Christians. I suppose it was my hope that Solomon’s tract would be from the foaming-at-the-mouth crazy school of old time religion. Disappointingly, while there are a few unintentionally comical passages as a whole It Isn’t a Sin is not interesting in either a straightforward or ironic way.
Though I have disqualified myself as a theologian or Biblical scholar, I am qualified to state that the scriptural analysis in It Isn’t a Sin is a mess – Solomon clearly lacks the wisdom of his baby-splitting Biblical namesake. While he deserves some credit for positing that masturbation for a single person is not sinful, he curiously decides that masturbating while looking at pictures of naked women is. Presumably, Solomon finds it sinful for singles to masturbate to pictures of fully dressed women or men though he never addresses the matter. He also neglects to discuss whether it is okay for a married man to masturbate. I imagine he’s also against that.
Solomon’s section on anal sex provides the book’s highlight. As he writes, “…common sense tells us that God gave us an anus for one reason, and I will leave it to the intelligent reader to determine what that is. Anal sex is revolting and disgusting.” Methinks Solomon doth protest too much.
The most striking thing about this work is Solomon’s failure to discuss women’s sexuality. I assume this is because Solomon thinks women lack sexual desire. Perhaps it is simply that the thought of women having sexual desire fills Solomon with so much lust that he has to retreat to the bathroom to commit self-abuse.
The final pages contain the author’s “Steamy Erotic Poetry.” Here’s a few sample lines:
“Sex in the shower / is so overrated, baby”
“In my yellow shorts / with purple hearts, / made of soft silk”
“Since you had our baby, / your jean skirt fits tightly / around your body, / and your hips might be / a wee bit wider, “
Men out there take note. If Solomon is to be believed, a good way to sex up the woman who has had your child is to remind her that she’s gained weight. Yours truly suggests that you might avoid this approach especially if there are any guns, knives, or heavy blunt objects in the vicinity where you sleep, but if you try it let me know how it works out.