Make Your Own Sex Toys
0Written by Matt Pagett
Published in 2007 by Chronicle Books
The cover of Make Your Own Sex Toys promises 50 quick and easy projects, a count that is probably accurate if you have a very loose definition of what constitutes a sex toy. While I don’t have a hard and fast definition for what is and isn’t a sex toy, I would imagine that for something to be a sex toy it should either turn you or someone else on.
The first section of the book focuses on toys that are designed to turn yourself on and includes projects like drilling a hole in a bar of soap, drilling a hole in a melon, and knitting a “Willy Warmer.”
Perhaps my standards are too high, but a bar of soap with a hole in it doesn’t seem at all sexy. In fact, fucking a bar of soap is one of the least sexy things I can imagine (and that’s ignoring the fact that soap makes a terrible masturbatory lubricant). While Pagett recommends warming the melon for maximum pleasure, I’m trying to picture anyone whose recurrent fantasy is to get a good piece of melon. I prefer melons that come in pairs and are attached to a woman. To each his own I suppose.
By far the silliest project is the Knitted Willy Warmer or as I have come to think of it, the cock Koozie. With the possible exception of Red Hot Chili Peppers fans, absolutely no one will find themselves aroused by the sight of your manhood sheathed in yarn like the extra roll of toilet paper on top of the commode at grandma’s house. Seeing anyone in such a state might be hightly amusing perhaps, but definitely not arousing.
The book continues in a silly vein suggesting such unlikely toys as a cell phone in a condom, a quilt (!!!!???), and homemade body wax.
Despite the lighthearted tone, it is clear that if this book is a giant prank, it is a prank the author isn’t in on. Taken as a whole the projects listed in the book, are more likely to turn you or your partner off than on. The net result is a book that does more for chastity than every Baptist church meeting ever held.
The Furies #1
0Edited by the Furies Collective
Published in 1972 by the Furies Collective
Most of the materials I find and review on this site come into my possession in a rather ordinary way – I either purchase them online or at a bookstore. Not so with this radical lesbian feminist newspaper.
After several hours of driving back home from a much needed vacation, I decided that visiting the roadside antique store would be a nice respite from the otherwise dreary drive. By chance, the store we stopped at was going out of business and had everything on sale for half off. The store’s inventory was the ordinary collection of old furniture, miscellaneous household items, and so on that make antique shopping a rather rote activity. As I looked through the miscellany, I did not expect there would be anything that would raise the ire of even the most devoted Pentecostal, so I was completely surprised when I came across this yellowed newspaper. I couldn’t help but wonder how the paper made the journey through the years and miles to be in my hands. I came up with no fewer than a dozen possible scenarios some of which bordered on conspiracy theories.
Imagining the newspaper’s journey reminded of the cheesy soft core movie Secrets of the Satin Blues. I saw it on late night cable many years ago. The movie’s premise is that there is a magical pair of blue panties that turn any woman wearing them into a sex-crazed nymphet. The movie follows the panties as they change from woman to woman. Thinking back on that movie, I can’t help but wonder what sort of woman upon finding a mysterious pair of panties decides to try them on? I have never seen a used pair of underwear and wondered what they might feel like on. My thought upon finding used underwear is usually “gross.”
Whether or not The Furies followed a path similar to the skanky panties of Secrets of the Satin Blues I will never know, but I am inclined to imagine the route they took was more than likely rather boring.
But I digress. The Furies newspaper was published by the Furies collective. In many ways a product of its time, the collective lived communally. According to one account I read, the collective practiced a unique form of free love where everyone in the collective had sex with each other. The collective also strove to be at the vanguard of a new lesbian feminist movement that rejected middle class hetero-centric patriarchal values.
One of the more interesting things about The Furies is that it is undeniably the product of all the values its creators strove to reject. While the tone should rightly be regarded as a reaction against the prevalent culture of women’s magazine, the content mirrors women’s magazines throughout time. For instance, the article “Women: Weak or Strong” while starting out as advocating self-defense for women quickly descends into championing the beauty of what is commonly known as a butch look. It really isn’t too far afield from the beauty tips a traditional women’s magazine might offer for attracting men. The article devoted to gossip is similarly predictable.
One very interesting thing about The Furies is how it affirmed (and doubtlessly helped form) many negative stereotypes lesbians and feminists as man-hating crazies. Consider for instance the following from the article “Such a Nice Girl”:
Only after I had kicked out my husband did I see how much heterosexuality had blocked my real understanding of men and male supremacy. I could let myself remember the disgust I had initially felt about fucking. I realized that every fuck is a rape even if it feels nice because every man has power and privilege over women, whether he uses it blatantly or subtly. My “liberated” husband kept me down not by violence but by making me feel guilty. He wanted me to be a strong woman as long as my main worries were about his feelings, problems, and “oppression”. In a conversation, when the guilt tactic no longer worked on me, he sat in disbelief, and I saw him consider whether to fall back on the male power which he had always had in reserve. As a heterosexual I had always had to double-think, “well, my man is an exception” every time I got close to the truth, that male supremacy is the source of all oppression, and that every man benefits from it. As a lesbian I have begun to experience how it will be fundamentally different as women begin to build our own world. As long as I gave energies to my man, I had not experienced that tremendous difference.
“Every fuck is a rape”!? Really? There are so many levels of lunacy in that statement that it’s hard to figure out where to begin. The good news for sick fucks like me is that if every sex act between a man and a woman is a rape, my own predilection for fusing sex with violence is completely normal. Actually I find the idea of being normal far more disconcerting than I find the idea of being a freak but….
The notion that all sex between men and women is rape raises all sorts of troubling questions. If a woman cannot have the freedom to make poor decisions how can she ever hope to have any sort of self-determination? This is really the crux of the problem with The Furies: rather than subverting the paternalism the contributors condemn, they merely want to replace the paternalists with themselves. One cannot help but be reminded of the pigs in George Orwell’s Animal Farm wearing the farmer’s clothes.
Nonetheless, if you can set aside these shortcomings and read The Furies as primary source that documents the history of the gay and lesbian movement there is much to appreciate. If you would like to read this issue of The Furies, it and several other issues are available online from the Rainbow History Project at http://www.rainbowhistory.org/furies.htm
Sex and the Armed Services
0By L. T. Woodward, M.D.
Published in 1963 by Monarch Books
L. T. Woodward is a pseudonym for the prolific science fiction author Robert Silverberg who apparently has quite a devoted following in his chosen genre.
Another in the long line of fictional psychiatric studies presented as legitimate case histories,
Sex and the Armed Services is an entertaining example of a sex pulp published before the Vietnam War and sexual revolution. While the descriptions of sex are fairly vivid, they avoid being lurid.
The book is divided into fairly predictable chapters that mirror the stereotypes of its time. For instance, the chapter devoted to homosexuals claims that gay soldiers actively recruit naïve young men into homosexuality. Female soldiers are described as either nymphomaniacs, frigid, or lesbians. There is also much discussion of overseas romance, prostitution, and extramarital affairs.
Most of the stereotypes seem quaint today. However, there are a few that are particularly shocking when read today. Most striking was the case of the rape victim Rosalie. Rosalie is described as a tease who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage. Because of reputation as a tease, her rapist was given a suspended sentence while Rosalie was discharged as being unfit. If that bit of blaming the victim wasn’t surprising enough, a “psychiatrist” reviewing the case made this observation sure to rile victim advocates everywhere:
“…I’d say the best that could have happened to this girl is what Daniels (the rapist) did to her. Maybe he smashed up the complex of neuroses centering about her virginity, and left her free to live a normal life.”
Overall, this is a fairly entertaining, if un-titillating read.
Ladies of the Lamplight
0By Kay Reynolds Blair
Published in 1971 by Timberline Books
I’m not sure if this is the least dirty book in the Library’s holdings, but I am sure though that it is the only one my mother would approve of. I know this not because mom was fond of ladies of questionable virtue. Instead, I know this because mom bought this book while we were on vacation when I was still in elementary school. While a wiseacre might suggest that I was doomed from the start, I will think of it as a belated (and unmentioned) present. But I digress.
Containing short biographies of the women who lived in and around the mining boom towns of Colorado after the Civil War, Ladies of the Lamplight is an entertaining remembrance of those women whose stories are often forgotten by more “respectable” histories and historians. My only complaint was that this little booklet was far too short – I would have really enjoyed more and/or longer stories of the ladies discussed.
Though Ladies of the Lamplight isn’t dedicated solely to telling the stories of prostitutes in the old west, most of the women described were involved in prostitution in some form or fashion for at least part of their lives. Feminists reading this work might blather incessantly, as is their wont, about how that was indicative of women’s lower social status in the patriarchy and further decry that the world is works in much the same way today. But that misses the point entirely. What makes the women described in Ladies of the Lamplight noteworthy decades after their passing wasn’t their flaunting of gender conventions, it was their flaunting of social conventions altogether.
Even though Poker Alice wasn’t associated with prostitution or bawdy houses (at least so far as this book is concerned) I couldn’t help but reproduce her photo. If Alice makes you horny, you are a sicker person than I – Godspeed in finding true love, you sicko.
The Porn Project #2
0
Self Published in 2008
Before I had my sweaty little palms on the Porn Project’s inaugural issue, I happened upon the second issue.
I read a lot of zines, so I understand the production arc of a zine fairly well. Typically, the first issue is the least polished. The writing lacks a tight focus and struggles to find a voice or tries too hard to be all things to all people. As a zine grows legs and finds a voice, its writing grows sharper and more focused making for much better reading.
From a visual perspective, a zine’s first issue often has a better and more interesting layout as the publisher, not knowing what he is doing breaks the established “rules” for graphic design and comes out with something that is breaks the visual mold. Sometimes that isn’t the case though and the visual quality improves as production values improve.
Knowing that, I waited until I had read the first issue of the Porn Project to delve into the second. While I wasn’t overwhelmed with issue one, I had hopes for this issue. Those hopes were misplaced.
With the annoying rubber band binding and outrageous cover price of $5, I figured that the girls (those of you with a bent for political correctness or inclusiveness can substitute women, bitches, or womyn as suits your fancy) would give me a much better product than the first issue had for the same price. For a zine titled “The Porn Project” saying that things were only going down would seem to connote a good thing. Too bad that isn’t the case here. Compared to the first issue, this thing went down like a like the Hindenburg.
Rather than becoming clearer or more focused, the writing here seems to ramble more and astonishingly got less sexy. Not only that, the illustrations went from nondescript to eye watering. If this is what passes for interesting insightful erotica from a woman’s point of view, I’ll stick with good old fashioned smut.
If a third issue of the Porn Project comes out, I will likely buy it. But don’t worry about me suffering by reading it. I have a plan: instead of torturing myself with what will likely be a terrible read, I will make my girl read it first and have her tell me if it is any good. If it turns out to be as awful as I imagine it could be, I can claim it was a really intense scene. If by some miracle she reports the Porn Project rights its sinking ship, I’ll give it yet one more chance.





