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Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas
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Front Cover for Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas
By Paul Rulof
Published in 2011 by Nazca Plains Corporation
When Paul Rulof first contacted me to read and review his book Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas I had one reservation which was informed by the numerous bad experiences I have had reading BDSM technique books which are ruined by the inclusion of numerous fictional fantasy sequences that obfuscate more than they inform. Given that ageplay is an activity that exists almost exclusively in the realm of fantasy, a book on the topic seemed highly likely to overindulge in such fiction and completely overwhelm any factual information it might contain. Reading Ageplay, I discovered that this fear was wholly ungrounded. More on that later.
Ageplay begins with a brief introduction to what ageplay is. The first chapter also discusses three spectrums that describe different aspects of ageplay. The first spectrum is intensity – does someone play on the weekends or do they define their entire life around their adopted role. The second spectrum is “Symbolic vs. Literary” discusses how people assuming age roles see themselves. Are they merely adopting the role to compare to their adult selves or do they believe that their little role is central to their adult identity. The final spectrum “Sexual vs. Nonsexual” is straightforward – does the ageplay involve sex or not.
The book progresses to discuss the demographics of ageplay which led to my one editing complaint about the book – FetLife, the kinky social networking site, is repeatedly misspelled as “Fetlife.” While this may be nitpicky, it is the sort of error that bothers me as a reader. While acknowledging the limitations of using FetLife to gather useful statistics on the numbers of ageplayers, Rulof makes a reasonable case that there are large number of folks interested in the ageplay. Next Rulof discusses the reasons that people engage in ageplay before discussing the negative feelings many have about ageplayers.
Over the course of the book Rulof systematically covers multiple aspects of ageplay including roles, relationships, and activities. He offers practical advice on how to find an ageplay partner and on how ageplay can be introduced into existing relationships. I especially enjoyed the chapter about coming out. Rulof presents many people’s perspectives about coming out to one’s friends and family and skillfully discusses the pros and cons of coming out while advocating that each person make the decision that is right for them.
One of the best things about Ageplay is that Rulof gives equal time to covering both bigs and littles. For those unfamiliar with the terms “bigs” and “littles,” they are ageplay terms that are comparable to the BDSM terms “tops” and “bottoms” respectively. Many books devoted to BDSM related topics are often weighted towards either tops or bottoms. The equal time in Ageplay is refreshing.
My favorite thing about Ageplay relates to the concern I mentioned before: Rulof successfully managed to write a book about a roleplay topic without falling into BDSM cliché of splicing fantasy in the middle of fact-based discussion. While Rulof does discuss the fantasy aspects of ageplay, he does so by discussing how they directly relate to the topic being discussed. Rulof even includes an appendix which briefly lists ageplay scene ideas.
Overall Ageplay is an excellent book for anyone interested in ageplay. It is a comprehensive introduction for those beginning their exploration of this style of play and provides extensive information that also be interesting to long time ageplayers. Highly recommended.
Protocols: A Variety of Views
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Front cover for Protocols: A Variety of Views
Edited by L.C. Morgynn
Published in 2008 by The Nazca Plains Corporation
I really wanted to like this book for a couple of reasons. First, there are few good books about Master/slave dynamics and I hoped this work would turn out to be the exception. Secondly, I know at least one of the contributors personally and have met several of the others, so being able to write a thoroughly glowing review might save me from moments of social awkwardness. That said, as a reviewer, I am committed to the truth. From my standpoint, heaping praise upon a book that isn’t very good will inevitably be far more awkward than acknowledging the truth.
For those of you not familiar with Master/slave (M/s) relationships, allow me to explain my understanding of protocols. In general, protocols are guidelines that define how slaves in the relationship are expected to behave. They can take many forms and vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. For example, in some relationships, the master expects the slave to walk a few steps behind the master in public. For other masters, the expectation is that the slave will walk next to or even in front of the master.
Protocols benefit both masters and slaves. For masters, protocols allow them an opportunity to guide their slave and communicate which behaviors they expect their slaves to follow. For slaves, protocols serve as a constant reminder of the relationship, absolves them from having to guess about what to do to please their master, and allows them to focus their energies and attention to the master’s needs and desires.
As I mentioned, how masters implement protocols in their relationships varies from person to person. For some masters the slave is always expected to follow the protocol regardless of the situation, while others may only expect one set of protocols in the privacy of their home and another in the company of non-kinky friends and relatives. For example, the slave may be expected to always ask permission to go to the bathroom at home, but asking for said permission while in the company of master’s 90 year-old Baptist grandmother might make master less than thrilled. Similarly, protocols can change over time as the needs and abilities of all parties to the relationship change.
Just as there are differences in which protocols slaves are expected to follow, there are differences in how these things are communicated. Some masters communicate all of their protocol expectations verbally. Others have created handbook that explicitly state these expectations in whatever detail the master chooses.
As began reading this book, I expected the book to address different ideas of how to implement protocols, different notions of what protocols others use in their relationships, and so on. The topic of protocols is certainly a rich one and deserving of much discussion. Given that virtually every M/s relationship has its own set of protocols, one would reasonably expect a variety of different opinions on the type and variety of protocols that various masters use. Unfortunately, while the title promises “a variety of views” about protocols there is not any significant debate or points of disagreement between the various authors. Most of the essays follow the same format: the author defines protocols using a dictionary or similar source, relates how that definition applies to Master/slave relationships, and describes how they have instituted protocols in their lives.
As I read, I was reminded that I often lament that BDSM-related books include unnecessary padding. However in this case, I noticed that the essays in this particular book are far too brief and are annoyingly repetitive. Yet strangely, following the essays about protocols are essays about other topics and book reviews. While these essays are enjoyable to read, they don’t really directly relate to the book’s topic and give all of the appearance of padding. What we are left with is a mess.
This would have been a much better book if a single author (or perhaps the editor) had defined what protocols are and left the other writers to use that as a framework to either build upon or react against. Alternately, the editor could have asked the writers to write about a single aspect of protocols. Either approach would have resulted in a much more cohesive and informative work, because what we are left with feels like a wasted opportunity.
While this book was generally a disappointment, it did serve to make me think about protocols in my own relationship, and I still plan to read other books in this seemingly ubiquitous series with the hope that they are better than this one.
First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting
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Front cover for First Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting
By Tim Brough
Published in 2005 by the Nazca Plains Corporation
First Hand begins with Jack Fritscher’s fantastic introduction which is a history that discusses how fisting entered the “homo-masculine” mainstream in the 70s and early 80s. Fritscher mentions numerous books and magazines some of which I had never heard of, but now hope to add to my collection someday.
Tim Brough begins First Hand with a brief introduction to the anatomy of the anus. Following the anatomy lesson is an interview with a physician and his partner as they discuss fisting. While the discussion touches on a few medical aspects of fisting play, the conversation is mostly high praise for the virtue of fisting.
The third section is the most straightforward as it is a how-to on anal fisting. Beginning with the things one needs to have in their toybag for a fisting scene, the section talks about the fisting from the perspective of the top and bottom (or as the book describes it “pitching” and “catching”).
Following the how-to section are interviews with fisting fans and short blurbs where respondents describe their favorite scene and/or the appeal of fisting. Finishing out the book is a 45 page piece of fiction that I frankly did not bother to read.
The how-to section mentioned above consisted of only nine pages making First Hand the textbook example of BDSM writers’ tendency to pad their works, turning pamphlet length discussions into book length tomes. Unfortunately, this practice not only drives me nuts, the extra padding is a disservice to readers who want to learn more about a particular topic.
I have a suggestion for addressing this problem that I hope some enterprising BDSM publisher will steal and put into practice. Rather than having one author write a book devoted to a topic that can be covered in the space of a few pages, create an anthology where different writers can cover various topics using only the length necessary to discuss the topic. Not only would such a work solve the padding problem, the resulting book would become far more useful and indispensable. Alas, based on what I have seen of the BDSM publishing industry the only way such a book will ever see the light of day is if I do it myself.
As I try to review this book, I find myself stumped. On the one hand (pun intended), the book, especially Fritscher’s introduction, was fun to read, save for the fiction. On the other hand (pun intended), for a book subtitled “an erotic guide to fisting” it was not particularly informative and seemed lacking as a guide. Taken as a whole, while I enjoyed the enthusiasm evident in First Hand, there is not much else to recommend about it other than Fritscher’s introduction.
Bootblacking 101: A Handbook
21 year ago
by elizabeth
in slave's corner
Front cover for Bootblacking 101: A Handbook
By Andrew McDiarmid
Published 2006 by The Nazca Plains Corporation
Review written by my slave elizabeth
There is no small irony in my Daddy’s choice of books to assign to me for my first contribution to his library. His area of expertise does not include providing bootblacking service to anyone. In fact, I feel confident in suggesting that should someone request that he perform this service for them, Daddy would laugh his ass off. For my part, I love watching him laugh so that seems like a good time for me. But for the one who asked Daddy to kneel down and lick their boots it would not likely be as fun. I am confident their boots would remain in whatever slatternly condition they were in when they made their ill begotten request. Don’t think that I mean to suggest that Daddy isn’t able to shine boots, it isn’t that at all. Instead, as this book educates the reader to understand, bootblacking is much more than simply cleaning and polishing boots. Bootblacking is an act of submission.
In the introduction to Bootblacking 101: A Handbook the author, Andrew McDiarmid, forewarns his readers that this book is intended to provide more than the basics of maintaining leather footwear. As McDiarmid puts it, the book will help readers learn the “why-to” of bootblacking. McDiarmid expresses his experience with the “why-to” of bootblacking as the “7 Tao of Bootblacking” but he is clear that he does not intend to suggest that his “7 Tao” represent ‘the’ way to bootblack. His acknowledgment of that is commendable. So often in our community of perverts we hear some blowhard professing their divinely inspired knowledge of the ‘right’ way to do something. Very few things define someone as having their head up their ass as quickly as when they say their method of doing XYZ is ‘the right way’ to do XYZ. McDiarmid does none of that; instead he encourages several times that the reader should explore and learn through their own hands-on participation in bootblacking.
Bootblacking had always been one of the fetishes I just didn’t get. Perhaps I was alone in my naiveté, but I was sort of confused the first few times I saw bootblacking at kink events. I thought the bootblacks were simply being generous and helpful to their kinky community. After all, I had seen many dirty, scuffed, dusty, worn out looking, and downright ratty shoes in our ranks and so I was always glad to see the bootblacks cleaning things up. Choosing to be a bootblack was a mystery to me. Why would these men (all the bootblacks I’d ever seen were men) choose to spend a whole day or even just a few hours working up a sweat to perform community service? Were they working off bad karma? Were they ‘bad’ and their Daddy’s were making them polish boots? Or perhaps they had some sort of service hours they needed to perform to attain membership in a group? I was sort of flummoxed by them. What they did in an odd way felt sexy to me, but my presumption was that they were somehow immune to the intoxicating scent of leather and they were simply polishing up the riffraff for some non-sexual reason.
Reading Bootblacking 101 did not begin my change of heart about bootblacking. That began the first time I put my Daddy’s knee high leather boots on to him. The smell of his leather, the feel of his boots, looking up at his handsome body, and seeing the lusty pleasure he took in my kneeling in front of him were all very erotic. By the time I finally laced him into his 30 eyelet boots, my fingers were blistered from the stiff bootlaces and my panties were soaked. After a while, I had the amazing experience of receiving a lesson from an outstanding bootblack in my local community. During a fetish gathering, Daddy and I saw that the bootblack, flanked by his Daddy who for all the world looked like he stepped out of a Tom of Finland drawing, had an empty chair. Daddy had begun to have me polish his shoes for him and so he asked the man’s Daddy if his boy would be willing to teach me how to polish correctly. The couple was very gracious and the bootblack got to work giving me quiet instructions and tips as he demonstrated his art. The really fantastic part of the whole process was when the bootblack asked my Daddy if he could lick the boots to put the spit on them for the spit shine. My Daddy nodded and the man knelt to his task. There is no way that I can really convey the way he did this and how it was that it was so erotic. My Daddy is a straight man but even he stated afterward that the licking of the boots was damn exciting. As I leaned in close and watched this whole process I ‘got it’ in a way I never had. I was well and truly hooked. Daddy bought me my very own shine kit for Christmas and I love it very much. I shined Daddy’s boots with vigor because I understood what is sexy about shining shoes but I still did not understand the bootblacks themselves. I am certain I still don’t fully understand them. I think it would be foolish to ever think that I can really understand someone’s fetish that I do not personally share. Everyone is different and to suggest otherwise is to become the blowhard making declarative statements that serve only to inform those around them of their lack of clarity.
What McDiarmid’s book has provided me with is a finer appreciation for and better understanding of bootblacks themselves. They are not just providing a cleaning service the way a lamprey helps keep a shark from being poorly groomed. The bootblacks are engaging in a fetish that generously includes those they choose to serve. The community is lucky to have them but they are having their own needs fulfilled as well. Bootblacking is hot.
I don’t mean to sound as though Bootblacking 101 is a perfect book. It is really more of a compilation of a basic leather care “how-to”, a presentation McDiarmid made at the International Leather Association ‘Living in Leather’ event in 1999, some erotica excerpts from his other books, his take on his experiences in the competitive bootblacking arena, and an interview from 2007 with Power Exchange Magazine. The knitting together of these freestanding elements is not elegant and there are many repetitions of key concepts. If I were reading the book with an eye to fine literature it would not hold up well but as it turns out it is still well worth reading. The “Tao” and the insight into the reason for that nifty shoe shine station in the corner of my local events is reason enough that I am glad I read the book.