Uses and Pleasures of the Rod front cover

by Lady Cynthia Lovebirch & Others
Published in 1972 by Venus Library

If the cover and publisher’s note is accurate, this book was published in Victorian England.  While searches of the book’s title and author proved fruitless on shedding light on this claim, the plot and language of the book certainly lend it credence.

The book pretends to be the report of a series of lectures given in the homes of various high society ladies as they share with each other the virtues of corporal punishment for not only the correction of wayward ladies but for their erotic amusement.  There really isn’t much plot here per se; each of the various “lectures” includes a demonstration of corporal punishment and introduces a new wrinkle in the manners of spanking, whipping, and/or flagellation and includes an episode of lesbianism.  While some readers might find the lack of plot development here off-putting, pervert that I am, the lack of plot bothered me not one whit.

When I began reading the book, the dated Victorian prose was a bit difficult to discern, especially because so much of what transpires is described euphemistically.  However, as I continued reading not only did I grow more comfortable with the prose, I felt enamored with the beauty of the language used.  Reading this book made it almost seems possible that folks I have known who reported they enjoy Shakespeare because of the beauty of his prose weren’t pulling my leg after all. Almost.

In addition to the lovely prose, this book includes lots of obscure words I hope to add to my active vocabulary.  For instance, tribade (in this work it is merely a synonym for lesbian, though apparently it is more properly lesbian frottage), Calligype (I presume a noun form of Callipygian: having finely developed buttocks), rotundities (self-explanatory), and so many terms for various sorts of women’s undergarments I lost track.  If my elementary school teachers would have used this book as a source for vacabulary lists, the school-aged me would have enjoyed English class instead of dreading it.

There is one point of warning; many of the spanking victims are teenaged servants.  However given the age when this was presumably written their inclusion can be forgiven.

If you enjoy lesbianism, Victorian writing, corporal punishment, old time women’s underwear, or flogging, spanking, and the like, Uses and Pleasures of the Rod is for you.  If not, why are you here anyway?

The Compleat Spanker Front Cover

by Lady Green
Published in 1996 by Greenery Press

While I am vaguely familiar with The Compleat Angler and know it originated the tradition of using the archaic spelling of “complete” for a book title, the apparent misspelling in The Compleat Spanker’s title still makes me wince a little. I can’t help but think that the book has a giant typo on its cover. People already have a low opinion of folks into BDSM; there’s no need to arm them with the belief that we are semi-literate too. But I digress.

Lady Green, aka Janet W. Hardy, deserves heaps of praise for keeping this guide to spanking short. I imagine she must have been tempted to pad this book to make it longer but the book is perfectly fine at the length it is. If there is something missing, it is a history of spanking. I, for one, would love to know more about spanking’s history and place in our culture. I cannot help but wonder how long has spanking been observed as an erotic practice. I would also love a formal explanation as to why the British seem particularly obsessed with spanking. I suspect the answer to the latter question stems from the practice of corporal punishment in the British elementary school system. But that’s only a guess. At any rate, the lack of a history is only a minor quibble and likely would do little to make one a better spanker or spankee.

The Compleat Spanker covers all the basics from negotiation to aftercare that one needs to have a wonderful spanking scene. It even addresses what can go wrong in spanking scenes from their possible causes to how to handle them when they arise – essential information because eventually, no matter how well you know your partner, something will go wrong.

Refreshingly, Lady Green’s writing is long on facts and short on opinions and avoids the use of fictionalized scenes that so often drag down otherwise great BDSM instructional books. Also handy is that instead of including definitions in footnotes or a glossary, definitions appear next to the terms in the book’s margins which neither detracts from the text nor for forces the reader to hunt for the meaning of an essential term. Beware that there are also occasional references to illustrations. Unfortunately, some of these references refer to pages without the promised illustration.

This book is an essential reference for spank-o-philes of all stripes and orientations and the only ass you should beat without it is your own.