It Isn’t A Sin front cover

It Isn’t A Sin front cover

By John Solomon
Published in 2008 by Red Ribbon Press

Given that the only theology I subscribe to is that of the Church of Sleeping In on Sunday’s, I am not sure what compelled me to purchase this slim book which argues watching movies that contain sex and/or nudity isn’t sinful for Christians. I suppose it was my hope that Solomon’s tract would be from the foaming-at-the-mouth crazy school of old time religion.  Disappointingly, while there are a few unintentionally comical passages as a whole It Isn’t a Sin is not interesting in either a straightforward or ironic way.

Though I have disqualified myself as a theologian or Biblical scholar, I am qualified to state that the scriptural analysis in It Isn’t a Sin is a mess – Solomon clearly lacks the wisdom of his baby-splitting Biblical namesake. While he deserves some credit for positing that masturbation for a single person is not sinful, he curiously decides that masturbating while looking at pictures of naked women is. Presumably, Solomon finds it sinful for singles to masturbate to pictures of fully dressed women or men though he never addresses the matter.  He also neglects to discuss whether it is okay for a married man to masturbate. I imagine he’s also against that.

Solomon’s section on anal sex provides the book’s highlight.  As he writes, “…common sense tells us that God gave us an anus for one reason, and I will leave it to the intelligent reader to determine what that is. Anal sex is revolting and disgusting.” Methinks Solomon doth protest too much.

The most striking thing about this work is Solomon’s failure to discuss women’s sexuality.  I assume this is because Solomon thinks women lack sexual desire.  Perhaps it is simply that the thought of women having sexual desire fills Solomon with so much lust that he has to retreat to the bathroom to commit self-abuse.

The final pages contain the author’s “Steamy Erotic Poetry.”  Here’s a few sample lines:

“Sex in the shower / is so overrated, baby”
“In my yellow shorts / with purple hearts, / made of soft silk”
“Since you had our baby, / your jean skirt fits tightly / around your body, / and your hips might be / a wee bit wider, “

Men out there take note.  If Solomon is to be believed, a good way to sex up the woman who has had your child is to remind her that she’s gained weight.  Yours truly suggests that you might avoid this approach especially if there are any guns, knives, or heavy blunt objects in the vicinity where you sleep, but if you try it let me know how it works out.